How to Get Unstuck and Figure Out What You Really Want
I’ve worked with over 1,500 people and when I asked them, “what do you want?” the vast majority of them either said, “I don’t know” or they told me everything they don’t want. They don’t want to live in LA anymore. They don’t want to be doing the same job anymore. They don’t want to end up alone but they also don’t want to go through the hardships of dating.
Now, don’t get me wrong, knowing what you don’t want is very important— but if you don’t know where you’re going, have some idea of what you want to experience instead, or how to do things differently, then change becomes nearly impossible.
I don’t just think this is true, I’ve lived it.
I remember being so viciously worried, anxious, and overwhelmed for most of my life, and the entire time just thinking, “I don’t want to be stressed,” but never did my brain think, “I want to be at peace.” Our brains are so wired to only see things from the way we’ve always seen it, and then reinforce it.
Your subconscious also totally ignores the command, “don’t…” because there is no direction. Like, don’t forget your keys, or don’t eat the cupcake. What always happens? You forget your keys and you suddenly want the cupcake more than anything.
Without a specific vivid visual, outside influences, or some deeply emotional “wake-up!” moment that take our brains down a different path of what’s possible, we’ll just keep reinforcing the same feelings, behaviors, and results we’re getting in life.
That’s what leads you to feeling that frustrating, uncertain, stuck-in-a-rut groundhog day situation. The good news? You have the power to shift your reality— and it’s a simple 3 step equation that works just like a GPS.
Figure out where you are, where you want to go, and the next step you need to take to get there.
You already got the first part down, so here’s how to do the rest:
1️⃣ Get Clear on How You Want to Feel
Right now, you might be feeling frustrated, lost, confused, or even afraid. But instead of dwelling on what’s not working, ask yourself:
How do I actually want to feel?
Clarity starts with intention. Do you want to feel confident? Empowered? Peaceful? Excited? The emotions you desire act as a guide, giving your energy a direction to flow. Look up the feelings wheel and see what the opposite of what you’re feeling is.
This is what sets up your GPS destination. Without it, you’ll stay circling in the same place. But when you define how you want to feel, your brain, body, and soul gets to work with sparks that lead you to those feelings. Purpose, starting with curiosity. Love, starting with connection. Confidence, starting with courage.
Your feelings are like magnets to guide you towards where your soul is wanting to go.
2️⃣ Envision Life Without the Problem
Now that you know how you want to feel, take it a step further—how would your life look if the problem you’re facing no longer existed?
Pause and visualize:
How would you handle conflict with your partner?
How would you respond when your boss asks you to take on another project?
How would you show up differently in your business, your health, or your daily decisions?
Getting clear on this vision creates a compass for your actions. It helps you align with new habits, thoughts, and opportunities that bring you closer to your desired reality.
If it’s hard to visualize yourself, then approach this like a scientist and experiment.
For example: Say I’m anxiously attached and I really want to be securely attached. Right now, my brain is telling me that if the person I’m dating doesn’t text me first, then they don’t actually like me. Because of this, I’m spending all day tense and waiting for that first text, trying to convince myself I don’t care or that it shouldn’t matter, I’m in my head swinging between wanting to just text them or end things, and I’m making myself feel even more insecure.
The experiment would be looking at what securely attached people might do and trying it for yourself to see how you feel. They might just text the person because they want to. They might tell the person that they want more communication throughout the day because it makes them feel more connected. They might accept that this is how the other person communicates and decide if they’re okay with it, or if it’s not compatible and decide to end the relationship.
This is what I spend most of my time with clients doing— expanding their perspective on what alternative paths could look like and helping them choose what they want to do from an empowered place. In my opinion, that’s the difference between therapy and coaching, and why coaching has been so highly effective for my clients.
3️⃣ Decide. Truly Decide and Commit.
It’s easy to say you want to be happier, make a bigger impact, or have healthier relationships. But the real shift happens when you back that desire with action.
When it comes down to making different choices, investing in yourself, or stepping outside your comfort zone, fear often creeps in. You might start thinking, Maybe where I’m at isn’t so bad…
But here’s the truth:
❌ No one is waiting for you to change.
❌ No one is going to force you to step into your power.
❌ No one can do the work for you.
You get to decide. You get to choose to move forward or stay the same.
This was honestly a hard pill to swallow for me. Intellectually, I knew it was true, but I didn’t realize how used to external motivation until college. Growing up, I would complain about having parents that always put pressure on us to be the best. But it’s not the pressure that created a problem, it was the fact that I didn’t choose it.
As an adult, you have the freedom to choose what you want to do with your life and how you want to spend your time. But if you’re used to a roadmap or someone else, a parent, boss, or teacher, telling you where to go and what do do, then you didn’t actually grow the muscle of sovereignty.
To lead your life as a creator instead of a victim, you need to see pressure as a privilege. People expect greatness only from people with power, so if you know you have the potential to change the world, to live until 100, or to be the first in your family to become a millionaire, then it’s on you to be carry that responsibility.
If you’re truly ready to shift, it starts with a commitment. Not just a wish or a hope—but a real decision to do things differently.
Ready to have the life you just visualized?
If you’re done spending time just thinking about what you’re going to do, and you’re ready for a real breakthrough, I’ve got you.
In my 60-minute Breakthrough Strategy Session, we’ll:
✅ Get crystal clear on where you are and where you want to be
✅ Understand why what you’ve been doing hasn’t been working and what to do instead
✅ Map out your next aligned steps with Virtues, Values, Visions framework
✅ Give you new perspectives and instant clarity
✅ Explore how coaching and hypnotherapy can accelerate your transformation with significantly less effort
This isn’t just a conversation about your problem—it’s a session designed to unlock new possibilities and create tangible change in your life.