My Transformation
I always see these weight loss/ tone-up fitness transformations and they’re great, but my journey is so different and I want to share my story to showcase my definition of self-love and body-positivity.
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I emphasize holistic health because (as you’ll see) I saw the biggest transformations in my body when my mental state was trashed and then again when it healed.
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In 8th grade my mom started telling me that my hips were getting wider and my butt was getting bigger. Although I was never overweight, I got sucked into this negative self-talk that I was fat, I was too short, my legs are short and fat, and I needed to lose weight..
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I started religiously calorie counting at 14 (staying under a net 1210 cal/ day limit) and throughout high school I would workout at least an hour a day (like straight cardio and HIIT, some days I’d do upwards of 5 hours of intentional physical activity- competitive golf+cardio workout) *BECAUSE THIGH GAP ENVY AND I WANTED A PERFECT BODY*
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It worked. In 2015 (junior year of high school) I was 107 lbs and 12% body fat, I had a thigh gap, I had 6 pack abs, everyone knew me as the fitness beast. But I still fu*king hated myself and my life.
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I struggled with depression, perfectionism, the toxic traditional asian mom always telling you you’re too fat, driving your college and career choices, and also a really toxic relationships that led to sexual assault, harassment, and months of emotional abuse.
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Throughout this time, I didn’t tell anyone about what I was struggling with, I was just killing myself over school work, grinding on my extracurriculars, and always finding something to hate about my body or my face.
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When I got into college, I thought my life would change. I just gave up calorie counting because I realized how detrimental it was to my mental health, but I hadn’t dealt with any of the other deeper issues in my life. Fitness was still a rock for me, but I stopped emphasizing it because I had always used it as a means to an end, but never really enjoyed the process itself.
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I moved to California for college still not fully loving myself, and *surprise* still fu*king hated myself. My eating was out of wack, I was sick all the time, I threw out my back and couldn’t workout for months, I was in an awful relationship that was extremely bad for my mental health and self-esteem, and I GAINED SO MUCH WEIGHT.
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End of 2017 and all of 2018 I said enough was enough. I put my foot down. I got professional mental health help, I broke up with my toxic boyfriend, I started to find joy in fitness, I started cooking again and meal prepping, I studied abroad in Melbourne for 5 months and COMPLETELY shifted my mindset 180 degrees.
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I went from flexing skinniness to flexing STRENGTH.
I went from focusing on insecurities to focusing on GROWTH.
I went from being caught up in numbers to being FREE FROM NUMERICAL VALIDATION.
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Now, in 2019, I am a certified personal trainer helping people build functional fitness and helping them achieve their fitness goals in a SUSTAINABLE manner. I started a health coaching business transforming the day-to-day in individuals struggling with weight management and perfectionism by coaching sustainable self-care habits, confidence, and mental resilience to reach their IDEAL SELF and say FU*K IT to people in society that have the audacity to make you feel less because of who you are physically.
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You don’t need the lowest body fat %, the highest 1RM, a huge following on Instagram, only meal prep broccoli+chicken+brown rice, or a thousand compliments to make you feel validated. You just need your authentic self without the self-doubt, fear, and negative bullsh*t you feed yourself.
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2015 Photo: Me junior year of high school with a fake ass smile, actually really insecure, and an emotional wreck.
2017 Photo: Me after my freshman year of college, still depressed af, not loving myself.
2019 Photo: Me actually happy, at peace with food, loving myself, in a healthy routine, grateful for life, and not giving a fu*k what anyone thinks of me.
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Your body is a reflection of everything going on inside. Take care of your mind, your spirit, your heart, and everything else will fall into place.
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Struggling in your own journey and want to get clear on the path you want to take? Sign up for a health consultation call now. In just 30-minutes, you’ll figure out what is keeping you stuck and how you can move forward with seeing results in your health journey.
