Thigh Gaps, Long Lean Legs, and Other Bullshit.
Let’s talk thigh gaps and long legs.
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I’m 5’4” with not so long legs (always gotta cuff my pants and 3/4 length leggings are essentially full length for me). I also have an extremely difficult time finding jeans that fit which is why I tend to just wear leggings.
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Guess what else? I don’t have a thigh gap. *shocker* and guess what else? I DON’T GIVE A SHIT. I really don’t! And I can tell you with 10000% certainty it wouldn’t make me a smidge happier if I did.
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How do I know? Because once upon a time, I thought it would and so I counted calories for years, did cardio for hours, and got down to 12% body fat with a fat gap in between my legs. Ya know how I felt? Like
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My confidence fluctuated based on how my body looked that day. It was never constant and I was always afraid I didn’t look skinny enough. There was something deeper that was going on that I didn’t realize at the time.
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I hated myself. I hated where I was mentally and I had so many open wounds I was covering with bandaids pretending like they weren’t that bad. And that meant anytime I saw myself, I hated what I saw, because I couldn’t change how I felt inside.
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Years later, after couple therapy sessions later, after lots of crying and a after lot of traveling and exploring myself, I found peace within myself.
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I made amends to my past, I forgave those who hurt me, I let myself feel the pain, and I started to forgive myself as well. I forgave myself for not being perfect because I finally understood that there is no perfection and to keep beating myself over it was futile. I forgave myself for the years of mental and physical damage I did to myself when I didn’t appreciate my body or my life. And I made a commitment to myself to honor my body and trust it again to guide me in the right direction.
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I started a new journey and that journey is one with no end in sight because I don’t plan on stopping my growth. I don’t believe there is a cap to how much I can love myself and my life’s I don’t think my relationships with others will stay stagnant. And I don’t think everything is going to be great and happy all the time. But at least I can do my best and keep going.